An absurd afternoon of shopping

I had two strange experiences while shopping today.

First, I headed to Meijer to score some bargain-priced .05 Campbell’s soup and other deals. When I got to Meijer, I spotted several large signs advertising the new Coke Life, a cane-sugar/Stevia blended Coca-Cola that’s 90 calories, all natural, and reportedly also tastes like Mexican Coke.

I couldn’t wait to try it and report back to my fellow Coke-loving blog readers on this new product! I headed straight for the beverage aisle at the Algonquin Meijer. No Coke Life. I even looked in the natural beverages area – no Coke Life.

I asked one of the extremely helpful employees at our Algonquin Meijer to help me locate this potential deliciousness. By now, I was already tasting my new Coke! It’s truly a testament to Coke’s powerful marketing that I was ready to buy one, price unseen, without a coupon, just for a taste.

Alas, after making some calls, the Meijer staffer told me that Coke Life was not actually stocked at Meijer yet. They weren’t sure when it will arrive.

I don’t know whether Coke or Meijer is at fault for having large in-store ads for a product not sold there. What a bummer!

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Disappointed, I finished shopping and headed to Walmart to pick up Stephen King’s new book, Revival. It was on sale for $18, which was close enough to half off for me.

At the checkout, the Walmart cashier asked me, “Would you like to add a two-year protection plan for $2.00?”

I was taken aback. “For a book?”

“Yes.”

I thought for a moment. “What does a protection plan for a book cover exactly?”

The cashier stared at me and did not answer.

I continued. “If I drop it in the bathtub, do I get a new one? How about if I spill a drink on it? What if my dog tears the cover off?”

The cashier started to smile. “I have no idea what the book protection plan covers.”

Deciding to live dangerously, I declined the book protection plan. I paid for the book and headed for the door… and then I headed to the Customer Service counter instead. I had to know what exactly was covered under Walmart’s book protection plan!

The first employee I asked had no idea. She called another person over, and he started laughing when I repeated my question — especially when I started listing all of the hazards that my new book potentially might need protection from. He said “Well, let’s find out,” and he got some literature out about the protection plan and began reading the fine print. Midway through, he said “The register actually prompted for a protection plan on this book?” I affirmed that it had.

 

Perusing the Walmart Protection Plan literature in store.After a few minutes, this employee said “The actual structure of the book is covered. If the binding were to fail, we would replace the book. But if you damage the book on your own, that’s not covered. You can’t rip it or spill something on it.”

I looked at the book again and said “You know, I have some experience with books. I believe I’m going to take my chances. I trust that the fine people at Scribner, who have been publishing books for over 150 years, know what they’re doing and have constructed a quality book for me.”

I left every employee at the Walmart Customer Service counter laughing as I strolled off with my new book.

Now I’m home. I think I’m going to have to drown my denial-of-Coke-Life sorrows with a bottle of Kosher Coke from my stash… and I’ll be careful not to spill it on my unprotected book.